To Let Go
by Merenwen 'Aldalas' Silverleaf
Summary: After your heart is betrayed and nights of pain come, what do you hold on to?
1. Where We Belong

_Title: To Let Go_

_Chapter 1 Where We Belong_

_Author: Aldalas_

_Rating: T+ or PG-13 (for attempted suicide)_

_Beta: None, so probably loads of mistakes. I tried! I really did!_

_Summary: After your heart is betrayed and nights of pain come, what do you hold onto?_

_Timeframe: Not long after Legolas and Aragorn met and become friends. Aragorn is in his late teens, early twenties – go figure Legolas off of that. How they met is not clear in this story and won't ever be; that's not why I wrote this. Just let your imagination create its own meeting and go from there. Thank you!_

_Warnings: Lot of angst and a bunch of fluffiness. Blame it on the mood I've been in. ;P And as a side note, when I use the word "love" or something similar between two males, I mean it the way Tolkien meant it – platonically._

_Feedback: C'mon people, I thrive off feedback, I love knowing what you think!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing of Tolkien's. I do however, own my own LOTR books. ((grin)) I also am trying my hand at poetry, which probably sucks anyway, but the lines at the beginning and the very end are mine!_

_A/N: This was written in light of a conversation that I had with a very good friend, who suffers from leukemia and a neglecting family. Much of the dialogue at the end is inspired by her and this story is my gift to her, just to say that I believe I understand what she told me and no matter what, I'm by her side. So..._

_Dedication: For Jodi_

_A/N/N: While I was writing this, I was listening to "May It Be" by Enya. So if you enjoy listening to music while you read as I do, listen to that and put it on repeat. Helped me get through this! So please, enjoy!_

_A/F/N: Don't get discouraged if you don't get what's going on at first – all will be explained. Or at least, all that needs to be explained will be. All lines imply a change in who is talking. I am also attempting to reformat this story a bit, so just hang tight if you read it before July 18, 2006 and are returning for the next chapter – I hope what I'm about to put it through will make it more enjoyable!_

_Enjoy!_

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Legolas stared at his father in a mixed glare of confusion, anger, and defeat. 

"You do not understand," the prince whispered. "How can you, when you refuse to even try?"

"It will change nothing." The king said sternly. "I have seen this before. He will take you down Legolas. How can you be so blind? They will all take you down."

"He would do no such thing. I know him. Do you think I would trust him this much if I were not sure?"

The king studied his son, his gaze steady but slowly softening. "If you wish to pursue this, you leave me no choice. Choose him. Go ahead and choose him over your own family."

"I have done no such thing." Tears burned at the prince's eyes, and without his consent fled to trail down his face. "I have not turned my back on my family. It is you who has turned your back on me. You have taught me that there is great joy in helping a friend, and now when I can finally do something of such great value for one whom I hold so dear, you hold nothing but contempt and refusal to understand."

"Then there is only one option for you to consider, if you will not cease this futile idea. Go and leave, just like your older brother did." The king waved him away almost violently with his hand.

Legolas did not move from where he stood for a moment, so struck was he at the mixed glare he was being given. When he finally did speak, his words were little more than a whisper, carried away softly by the breeze brushing gently through the open windows. "There was a time, father, when I was so proud of you. Proud to be your son. Though there have been many days when you and I would disagree, I always respected everything you told me, and valued the wisdom you gave me in times of need; everything, even when you thought I wasn't listening. But never once," Legolas choked on the words bitterly as he turned away, "have I been so ashamed of you."

He paused at the doorway. Eyes downcast and dark with inner storms, he spoke on final time. "I will leave. I will go seek out those who will build me up as a friend rather than tear me down as a son. And since I am such a disappointment to you, I will not come back and burden you with my presence again."

A slight uplift of wind noted the prince's passing through the doorway and down the hall. The only other being stood where he had been left, staring at the empty doorway in a mixed expression so similar to that of his son's; of pain, confusion, and regret.

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"**Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe**

**The walls closing in on me**

**Stumbling through this dark abyss **

**Never knowing if I'll find my way home**

**I just don't know..."**

**Aldalas**

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Legolas clung to the side of the small cliff next to the waterfall, making his way slowly, thoughtfully toward the falling water's edge. Several feet above level ground. There was only two ways off of where he had found himself back the way he had come, or down with the water and the heavy rapids below.

During the time since he left, he had focused all of his energy into finding his young human friend, the one his father had attempted to forbid him to see. But Estel it seemed had disappeared, like the last sunray that would grace the sky before allowing the dark enfold of night.

Just once, he glanced over his shoulder, looking almost longingly toward the path that had brought him here, and beyond it his provisions and his horse. They would be the only marker of this place that would soon become the last he would visit. Wearing only his leggings, the lithe elf eased his way closer to the waterfall, the rocks becoming slick and hazardous under his hands and bare feet.

He was barely two feet from the waterfall's edge when he came to a dead stop, hesitating, considering again the choice before him. _Nothing left_, he told himself, _I have nothing left to live for. No hope of a future, no love of a father, no faith of a friend._

With those lingering thoughts and his mind made up, Legolas again moved closer to the waterfall and allowed his tense fingers to grow lax.

Aragorn studied the tracks on the soft mountain ground, following them on foot while leading his horse by the reins. Familiar, he was very sure. Pressing his hand into the hoof track of one deep print.

Looking up he glared at the waterfall through the trees that obscured his vision and the towering cliffs that framed it, trying to see what was hidden from him. Then suddenly, he saw a flicker of movement.

"No," he whispered, frozen for a moment as though struck dumb. "No!" he said louder, immediately springing into action. Throwing his weapons, cloak, and kicking even his boots to the forest floor, Aragorn darted through the trees taking the same path his friend had only a minute before. He had already reached the rock face and begun his treacherous climb before calling out a name.

"LEGOLAS!"

The woodland elf hesitated at the sound of his name, looking back again. Legolas felt as though his stomach had literally dropped below his feet.

"Estel," he whispered, the sound so soft it was drowned out in the sound of the waterfall just next to his side. What was he doing here?

No. He was not worth it. Not to this man, not to anyone. And pity the beings who had already invested so much of their time for his wellbeing.

He had chosen a fate opposite to the one he had been born to do. He deserved no mercy and no love for such actions. He knew this, he had accepted it.

So then why was a friend he had known for a scant measure of half a year climbing after him, risking his own life on the coarse cliff-side rocks several feet above level ground?

"Don't move! I'm coming! I'm coming..." Aragorn called out to his elf friend several times as his made his way over dangerous territory that only an elf of exceptional grace could have handled with ease. It was several minutes before he finally reached Legolas' side, slipping and catching short the entire way. The look in the elf's eyes was terrifying, of defeat and despair. And confusion. The latter caught the man's attention more than the others for a moment.

"Legolas, don't... don't move. I'm here." Aragorn knew what the elf was attempting to do, but he would have none of it. He swung his own body around so he was right behind Legolas, allowing the elf's weight to settle heavily against his chest. For fear of losing his hold on the already tricky rocks, the man found small hand holds in the surface and drove his fingers deep into the cracks, wincing as he did so. But the hold was strong and they were secure for the moment.

"Legolas?"

The elf had not moved.

"Legolas, what are you doing?" the human's voice sounded frightfully worried and what little of his face that Legolas could see out of the corner of his eye was lined with concern.

Legolas pulled closer to the rock face, trying to put some futile distance between himself and the man. "Get out of the way Estel. Leave me to my fate."

The ranger was stunned. What had happened to his friend? "Don't do this, Legolas, please."

A flat, hard voice answered him. "No one cares what I do."

"That is a lie." The man clung tighter to the rock face, clung tighter to the elf. "I care. I would not be out here if I felt otherwise."

Legolas resisted, fighting the hold. "Let me go," the elf pleaded, shutting his eyes against unwanted tears. "I want to die."

"Come back with me," Aragorn continued to ask of his friend. "You can talk to me about it. You don't need to do this."

For a moment, Legolas seemed to relax back against the ranger's chest, but then tensed again. "It is the only way. Let me go Aragorn!"

The archer's lithe body quickly and strongly began to work its way out of the man's hold. He made it halfway out before one human hand released its hold on the rocks and wrapped itself around the elf's wrist. The fingers were stained with blood.

"No! If you go, I go with you." A strong, set tone answered, and the ranger attempted to get Legolas back into his control so he could not jump. "I will not let you do this!"

His upper body already free of the man's grasp, Legolas twisted the bleeding hand around so as to loosen the hold it had retained, intending to slam it back into the rocks where it had been. His friend would not die for his sake, how could he make the man understand he was not worth it? Aragorn stifled a cry of pain as the cut fingers were harshly dealt with, and with so little support left on already treacherous ground, his other hand slipped and fell loose of the rocks.

The next thing Aragorn knew, he was falling.

His vision faded in and out, and for several seconds he freefell with a small but unrestrained cry on his lips. Just before he hit the water, something else was there. Strong arms wrapped around his body just before the waterfall's violent surface accepted him in.

And then, his mind went blank and unconsciousness claimed his shocked eyes.

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When the ranger finally awoke, his vision was hazy. Hypnotic red-orange waves in front of him slowly came into focus, the rippled edges of the fire sharpening in detail. The man laid his head back down and sighed, far too softly to be heard. He was alive. His last memory was of falling... and a sudden, encompassing chill wrapping around his body. After that, it was only darkness. Darkness and chill, but slowly, warmth returned... and now consciousness.

Then Aragorn realized several things at once. He was hurt – he had a pounding headache, both hands stung, and his knee burned fiercely. And he was alone. There was no one there that he could see. Letting his eyes cast around the hollow he found himself in, he studied the walls and the world outside the entrance, just beyond his touch.

Then slowly, his ears caught a sound from behind him. A sound so soft, it barely registered in his mind. The man rolled onto his back and looked behind, toward the back of the hollow. Another sound came forth, this time issued from his own lips, a whisper of pain and regret.

"_Mellon-nin_," pulling himself up until he rested on his elbow, he spoke to the figure who leaned against the unyielding force of the dirt wall corner behind him on his side, wrapped up in a cloak that hid all but his face. It was Legolas. The elf had saved him after he had fallen into the raging waters of the waterfall. But why was the elf still here? And why... Aragorn wondered with a jolt... why was he weeping?

Not willing to wait and discover the answers on his own, Aragorn crawled forward, careful of his injured knee, disentangling himself from the cloak he was wrapped in and shrugged it aside. Legolas did not immediately react to his movement, but Aragorn heard the difference in his voice and the sound of his grief. Recalling what little Legolas had told him before the fall, Aragorn resisted the lump in his throat as he touched the elf's side.

"What is wrong, Legolas? What pains you so that you would take your own life to be rid of it?"

The elf was injured too. His breathing was heavy with pain, not all due to his tears, and when he shifted slightly underneath his cloak Aragorn saw several rash bruises. His movements were full of uneasiness, and his whispers were full of pain.

Legolas was silent for a time, and when he did speak, his voice was choked raw with emotion. "I am so afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

Legolas seemed to collapse, melting against the wall. "I do not know how to define it."

"Please Legolas, try. I wish to understand."

Exhaling slowly, the elf turned his head away from the man, refusing to look at him as he spoke, knowing he owed an explanation. "I do not know. I feel as though I have been left behind. So many years have passed since my mother left for the sea and much has happened in between, but since that time all that I feel has been overlooked. Before you came, I could be overjoyed or angry and no one could see it. My father-" Legolas' voice faded away with the name, unable for a moment to continue. "My father... He has turned me away. Whenever we speak he will not hesitate to point out my failures. My shortcomings. All that I cannot do or be. Who I am and what I want is lost to him, and I am lost, caught between my desires and his. It harms me, destroying my trust so I can no longer sleep. It has been years since I really slept. But then I met you..." This time, Legolas managed a short, almost shy glace at the man for just a moment, and then ducked his head again. "And what was once fading and cold began to spring back to life within me. You broke through the defenses I had built; you understood what I needed others to see. Somehow, you were coaxing me back into life. There was hope and joy again that I had not really felt in so many years that came so easily with you.

"And then you had to return home, as did I, and when I returned my father found out about you. He has no love for man; bitter towards all humans though they have done him little wrong in several thousands of years. I never agreed with his views and I tried to see it differently, and when you and I grew closer I knew he could not be right. But he found out, and he condemned you." Behind the hand that covered his eyes, a tear appeared to fall gently down his face. "He tore apart all that you are and twisted the image I had built of you into some hideous, greedy coward. I could not convince him otherwise. Believing I had chosen you over him, he told me to leave." The elf's voice broke again. "So I did."

"I searched for you for so long, but the rumors I heard of your whereabouts came too late or purely incorrect and I could not find you. I was reaching a point where I knew I could not keep going. My family means the world to me. They are all I have of the past. Though my father and I have our differences, he is still my father and I cannot let that pass me by. Without my family there I did not know which way to go. I cannot return home, and I could not find you. Without friend or kin in such a dark time, I was losing myself. I could not continue to tell myself that I could somehow still find joy. After many, many years... some arguments lose their meaning."

Legolas' voice softened significantly, deadly serious in his whisper. "I would have let go of those rocks. I felt as though no one cared about whether I lived or died. And I wanted to die. You were so far away, and without my father there anyway, my friendship with you would have been incomplete. It would have been like a flower trying to grow amidst rocks rather than grass. I could not do that to you. I could not do that to myself. All I wanted was to let go.

"I don't know Estel, I do not know if this makes any sense at all. I spent the last several weeks searching for you and when you finally came, the first thing I did was push you away... and I am still afraid."

"What do you fear when you look at me? Do you fear I will hurt you like all others?"

"No Estel, it is not only you. Something in me resists becoming too close to anyone though at times I wish it otherwise, to open up after so many times when I locked everything away... I can't explain it. It conflicts with everything my heart wants. And... and I... I just want to be held." Legolas began to weep again, confessing the desire he had held so deep within his heart, already assuming it would never be told. "Ever since I left home there had been some longing in me that I could not name until you returned. I knew what it was when you tried to stop me from falling. It is so strange for me to feel this way. Few times in my life have I wanted something as I do now, but... it is what I want. Just to have someone let me cry again and bring me no shame, but tell me we'll get through it together somehow. I wish to hope again... to feel worthy of the life I live. But now, when it feels as though my world, my whole life has been shattered beyond repair once more, I cannot pick up the pieces and try to build it again. Not alone, not this time. It cannot continue as it has before, when I have been forced to hide," he paused, his voice bitter with tears of hurt. "...hide behind a mask of control so that I may have the respect of everyone but myself. There is no worth to this. It is folly, to live without care or emotion. I have tried it, I know the difference. Not one of my kin has seen any of what I feel. They care little, or they care not at all."

The elf fell silent for a moment, and still Aragorn did not speak. He could not. Not until Legolas was done, not until he had said all he needed to say.

"And now... you have come." The elf looked up at the human, something akin to wonder in his eyes. "You risked your own life to save me. You took injuries without thought. I could not believe it was possible. I could not believe that you were really there at first. And I almost killed you!" Legolas buried his face into his hands, the cloak he wore bunched within them. "I almost destroyed the final link I had to remain in this world. Of all the knowledge I would have taken into the next life... that would have been the most painful."

And finally, the soft voice faded to silence. All had been said. Pulling close to the dirt wall next to him and again burying himself into his cloak and his grief, Legolas let loose the pain he was sure would never go away; the pain of having lost everything with no hope of it coming back. And somehow, it was worse after saying it all aloud, and he waited for retribution to come as it always had.

But Aragorn did nothing of the kind. Finding no words in his mind to say at first, he just touched the elf again, his hand lingering to tighten on Legolas' shoulder. Who knew how long his friend... his _friend... _had endured these thoughts, forced to think about all of this, and find only self condemnation in return. The man could see it. Reaching up and touching his friend's face, he spoke with tears in his eyes, "Thank you for telling me."

Legolas winced, pulling away, disbelieving that Aragorn would come to him with any other reason then to condemn him after his confession, foolhardy though he knew it was. But Aragorn did not leave him, nor was any of his actions anything but of tender gentleness. Pulling one side of Legolas' cloak from the elf's grasp the man unfurled the thick folds. He wrapped the part he had taken around his own body to starve off chill, and then leaned up against Legolas' side with his head on the elf's shoulder. He waited a few moments before seeking out the elf's hand with heavily bandaged fingers, holding it tightly as he embraced the elf with his other arm at the same time.

"Would you have followed instinct rather than heart, would actions have cost my life, yours, or both of us together... without hesitation I would forgive you," Aragorn told his friend. "You are my friend, thickheaded and stubborn and proud though you may be... and I value you as I would the brightest star on a night of adversity."

Legolas began to weep harder, his head moving to either side in debate, questioning the words Aragorn said and whether he should move farther away, but his friend... his friend... would not let him go; and the vow he made did not fade away but rang forth with vivid clarity. Legolas felt far too drained, physically and emotionally, to really try, and after a few moments he did not desire to. Finally, he knew Aragorn would never let him leave. So, instead of recoiling from the man's hold, the elf prince allowed himself to be pulled even closer, his head falling to rest close to the man's, suddenly wrapped up and protected in another's full embrace. Burying his face into the man's dark hair, Legolas let the wavy curls catch his bitter, harsh tears that soon gave way to grief and pain; such dark, soul shadowing pain. And Aragorn wept with him.

But to let go... to abandon all defenses and just _let go_... it was like a healing balm of hope in and of itself. Slowly the elf began to relax and allowed the ranger to hold him without any fear. And in that moment there was no one in the world who knew Legolas as well as Aragorn.

"I do not deserve your forgiveness," Legolas whispered at some point, somehow still resisting the man's affection, somehow still doubting the man's love, yet wishing, knowing he needed it more than anything right now, when all else was crashing down and exploding in front of his eyes.

Aragorn felt the elf's conflict, understanding the hurt and the fear. For fear of what he thought to be losing someone he cared for, he squeezed Legolas gently, letting his hand settle on the elf's shoulder and his fingers move in soft circles. "You deserve a friend. No matter the wrong, you are my _mellon_, and even if the earth conspire against me I would never leave you comfortless and alone. I know who you are inside." He swallowed, holding the elf tighter for a moment, as if he believed the touch would better enforce the words he said. "And I will not I let you believe the untruths that say you are anything less than the strong, vibrant being that you are."

Silence reigned for an unknown time, during which the cave became quite silent save the sound of hitching breath and another reassuring all the while, letting the one who listened know that what he felt was not an unworthy burden... nor was he an unworthy burden to bear. The murmuring voice slipped in between Common and Sindarin, but at times it did not sound like either, nor any other known language. The ranger just spoke, at times hardly even paying attention to the things he said, rather working to infuse life and love into his voice that the elf once knew, that he may recall it and let it again enter his soul.

Some time later, Legolas stilled his breath and fingered the makeshift bandages on Aragorn's hand, while his eyes lighted on the deep, large bruise forming over the left side of the man's jaw. He trembled, his lip quivering and his eyes filling with fresh tears. "You took these because of me." He whispered, his head bowing forward in guilt and shame. "I am sorry, Estel."

Aragorn only smiled; not a happy smile, but a smile nonetheless. He touched his face where he could feel it swell and merely shrugged. "A small price to pay for the value of what was given in return. I am not," his hand again lighted on the elf's cheek, brushing tears away. "And never will I regret."

Legolas was silent for a long time, and slowly his arms wrapped around his friend's waist. Finally, looking up at the man who held him so close and so willingly partook in his grief, he finally whispered, "How long have I searched for you? So many nights of prayer and fear, and now I feel more peace than I have in many long years." For the first time since their unexpected reunion, Legolas gave Aragorn a smile. "I found my friend. And somehow I knew that if I found you, I could learn to sleep again."

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"**... Yet I still reach up**

**And somehow I feel you take my hand**

**In darkness I search for the light**

**And while I try to find myself**

**You don't let me fall."**

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_I started the next chapter! It will supposedly be the last for this story; I should have it up by next week if all goes well. It's not nearly as long as this chapter (at least, it isn't at the moment – who knows what a few more editing sessions will come up with!) but it'll give a bit more closure. Thank you all for your wonderful reviews, you are wonderful people. See you all again soon!_


	2. Forever

_Rating: PG_

_Summary: After your heart is betrayed and nights of pain come, what do you hold onto?_

_Warnings: **TISSUE ALERT!** Lots and lots of fluffiness and warm fuzzies with a twinge of angst. May I emphasize my big ol' NOT SLASH comment on my profile? places the paragraph in italics, bold print, and underlines Thank you for being considerate!_

_Soundtrack Recommendations: Add "Forever" and "Cry On My Shoulder" by Overflow to the list. I LOVE these songs and they are the biggest (and in all likelihood the ONLY) reason why I could write this chapter. If you don't have them, e-mail me privately and I will send them to you or show you where you can find them online. They are beautiful, beautiful songs._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing of LOTR, in this story especially these characters help me come into terms with a lot of things. I also own none of the quotes I use, or the lyrics from the music group Overflow. They inspire me; therefore I add them so parhaps you can be inspired as I was. ;D_

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_**CHAPTER 2**_

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_"The language of friendship is not words but meanings."_

_Henry David Thoreau_

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Aragorn could not mount his horse the next morning. The skin on his hands had been torn harshly by the rocks and through the night they had stiffened painfully. The Man could barely flex his fingers; much less pull himself up onto his horse's back. If something were to happen and the gelding bolted, his chances of falling increased dramatically.

Knowing this and feeling all too responsible for his friend's discomfort, the Elf took over. He took great care to pack away all of the Man's belongings along with his own on the gelding, and taking the reins, mounted his own mare to offer Aragorn a hand up.

Gripping the Elf's forearm as much as he dared, Aragorn bounced a few times and barely managed to gain the mare's back. He winced hard after the small exertion, or so he thought, as he settled behind Legolas, his hands trembling.

Legolas sensed it, looking back. "Estel?"

Aragorn resisted the urge to lean forward, small stars dancing across his senses. "It is just my hands-"

"Here," the Elf said gently, facing forward again and reaching back. "Let me see."

The Man did not bother resisting, he was in a far too precarious position to even attempt. He placed his bandaged hands into the Elf's and scooted closer to accommodate the distance change, allowing Legolas to pull them forward on either side to better see to them.

When Legolas had first cared for the injuries to make it through the night, he had used two separate layers; a thick padding wrap that wound around the fingers and absorbed most of the blood, and a heavier, stronger bandage covering it to keep the fingers immobile so they could heal. In mounting the mare, Aragorn had forced his bandages to grate against his wounds and the barely healing sores burned, not ready yet to handle even such light contact.

Undoing the first wrap on the ranger's left hand, the Elf studied the under-wrapping. Much of the bandage over the fingers had been stained both red and black. Peeling part of the thick bandage back, he saw that some of the fragile blood scabs had broken. Soon the under-wrapping was both worn from time and use, quickly worthless.

Calling Aragorn's gelding to come closer, Legolas reached into his pack and fished out a fresh roll of the wrap and a pouch of salve that he had used. Removing the soiled padding, the Elf spread the salve over the broken gouges in the Man's fingers, ceasing any blood flow just long enough to wrap Aragorn's hand again.

The Elf repeated the process on Aragorn's right, until both sets of wrapping were clean again. "Better?" he asked of his friend, rolling the bandage up again to store back into his pack.

"Yes," the Man behind him whispered. Even though his hands were little more than stumps with the bandaging, they really did feel better. The pain had faded to a stinging he could easily ignore. "Thank you."

The Elf did not answer, hardly trusting his voice. He did, however, keep Aragorn's arms around his waist, holding them in place. Somehow, he felt more in control with his friend next to him. Lightly tapping his heels against the mare's side, he told her to walk on. The gelding followed, matching the mare's slow, thoughtful gait. When the cave they had stayed in the previous night slowly vanished from sight, Legolas fell silent.

The dawn had come with no visible sun. The sky was overcast and grey, clouds heavy with rain obscuring any blue. Not long after they had set out, it had begun to drizzle ever so lightly.

Neither of the companions were concerned. After years in the wilds, they knew what to listen for as a warning for any storm of consequence. There was little rain and the birds were still out. It would be a day, parhaps two, before any heavy rain would come. The forests around them just looked bleak and chill.

"Legolas," Aragorn caught the Elf's attention after they had traveled some distance in silence. "Where are we going?"

It was a good question. They were leagues away from Mirkwood, which lay on the other side of the Misty Mountains, and Rivendell lay some distance south. Either home was days and miles away. Yet from the looks of it, Legolas was not leading them in either direction.

Already fearing the man thought less of him after confessing such a large part of himself, Legolas had resisted speaking. Even now, he could barely force himself to say anything. Quietly, so quietly, he whispered, "I am not sure."

Truly, he did not know where he wanted, or needed, to go. He felt drawn to some place, but in the midst of his raging emotions he could not discern where he was being called. Frustrated at his own helplessness, the Elf felt a now familiar swell creep up from the depth of his despair. He fought it, beat the feeling back down until it lost life and faded again. He refused to cry again. Not so soon. Not when he didn't even know what he was crying for.

He was confused; about where he was supposed to go, what he was supposed to do, and... what his friend thought of him now. The night was past; the Elf did not know what to think. It was still so early into their friendship and Aragorn had just witnessed his open, bared soul. He trusted the Man so explicitly already, but if something had changed in the way his friend thought about him after hearing what was said, he did not know if he could take it, a type of betrayal he could not name.

He was not only afraid of rejection, he was also sick of it. He was sick of being wrong, sick of being told he was so foolish, sick of being left behind and forgotten. Sick of being told that even though he loved to learn, excelled at everything he loved, and was more than worthy of chances to prove himself, he could not even try. Too young, too reckless. Over exaggerated, parhaps, but still, often unwarranted... and all this from the same person. He was not immature and he was not stupid, but right at that moment, he felt exactly like what he was told he was. Suddenly all the pain he had still with him felt silly and childish. It left him empty, searching, not knowing what he should feel.

"Do you want to go home?" the Man asked, desperately trying to piece together parts to the puzzle while remaining calm at the same time.

Mute, the Elf did not respond, though his head seemed to hang a little more.

Aragorn sensed the distance growing between them despite their close contact. Not knowing what to say but knowing he had to do something, he shifted one of his hands out of the Elf's grip and used it to cover one of his friend's. Trapping the Elf's hand between his two, he held it firmly, yet gently, as though it could be cracked and broken should anything else touch it again. A moment later, he was gratified to barely feel fingers wrap lightly around his own, weaving them together.

"Do you want to talk to me?"

This time, Legolas did respond, nodding his head ever so gently. "Yes."

Aragorn sighed, letting his arms tighten around his friend in encouragement. "Then speak. Do not hold back."

"Are you ashamed of me?" the Elf's voice was so soft, as though he could barely ground out the words, paining him physically to speak.

"For what?"

"For what I have confessed to you."

_Why would you think I would be ashamed of you for feeling?_ The man wondered, hurting that the Elf would even think that of him. But given present circumstance, he could not blame him. "No Legolas." His voice was gentle, full of truth. "I have never been ashamed of you."

Legolas sounded confused, as though he could not believe such a thing were possible. "Why not?"

The Man looked up at the back of the Elf's head curiously. "Why should I?"

The Elf's free hand now woven into his mare's thick mane tightened in its hold, again fighting his tears. "I disappoint everyone. Why do I not disappoint you with my weakness?"

"Because I am not ashamed of true displays of emotion," the Man stated simply, though heavily, believing the words he spoke but frustrated that so few others would be so different in thought. "-whether they be my own or someone else's. Holding things inside only serves to deaden the soul. You care enough about yourself to let me know you were hurt. Why should that disappoint me, when it is something you need so much?"

The Elf attempted to raise his head a little higher, as though he were trying to prove something to himself. "I should not so easily lose control."

"Easily? Legolas, when was the last time you let yourself mourn for anything, no matter how small? How long have you been fighting back the tears? Last night does not count, and do not think I know not."

"I – I know not."

Aragorn let his breath out, shaking his head fondly. "I think, dear friend, that you need to stop saving so many lives and start saving your own. Do not save the healing of your heart for any later."

Legolas looked down over his shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of his friend's face. "Howcan I do this?"

Aragorn paused, considering his words carefully, saying them with a brief, firm embrace. "Feel. Let go your pain and feel again."

Desperate, the Elf asked again. "How?"

"Forgive. Learn to weep."

OoOoOoOoO

_"You have had some hard times  
Had thorns placed in your side  
I know about what you've been going though  
The tears of pain are falling down_

_It hurts so bad you're crying out  
Your problems won't last forever  
Let me put you back together_

_Come here and cry on my shoulder  
I'll hold you 'til it's over  
I'll rescue you tonight  
Let my arms be your shelter  
Your hiding place forever  
I'll love you!"_

_Overflow "Cry On My Shoulder"_

OoOoOoOoO

That night, Legolas awoke with a start, fringes of a dream still caught in the corners of his mind. Startled by the images still raging in an illusionist's reality, a low moan fled his lips. He jumped up to one elbow, rolling over so his head could hang and come to its senses. The dream faded, though it had left a vivid mark upon the fair being, caught in the malice and the fear. It choked him.

He had not intended to speak at all during this night and the cry was not loud, but on the opposite side of a dying campfire a figure stirred and rose, driven by the sound of distress. The Elf leaned against his elbows and shut his eyes tightly, fighting the ache in him still, attempting to push it away so he could wave his companion off. He failed.

A soft thump of a sleeping mat sounded right behind him. Aragorn did not bother to speak, his actions giving insight to his thoughts. The Man settled once more into the pounded leather, and ignoring the bandages still wrapped securely around his hands, pulled Legolas back off his elbows to lean up against his friend, gently guided into place without a spoken word.

Legolas resisted, suddenly full aware of the wetness on his face and his breath hitching in pain, instinct controlling his actions more than his mind was. "No Estel," he whispered, trying to convince the Man he was fine, beyond the fact that all he spoke was not truth. "I am well. It – it was only a dream."

"Your pride will be the death of you yet, gwador," Aragorn said, his voice so soft. "Do you not think it is time for someone to take care of you now?" He could feel the Elf tremble against his fear, could sense the pain of him holding it within still, even after their talk of the previous night and day. "Your life needs be saved just as much as mine did."

Stunned, not expecting anything of the sort to come from the ranger's lips, Legolas hesitated, and then finally inclined his head in defeat. All day, he had held back the tears. Only now did they come again. Realizing that his worst moments came during the time when he felt so alone, the Elf found himself so easily captured into Aragorn's wise, tender control. Knowing his friend was so near, some resistance in Legolas faded and grew still; he again knew he needed to be held. Never leaving the circumference of Aragorn's arms, he turned over to face the Man. Wrapping his hands into the warm, soft fabric of Aragorn's sleep tunic and his face into the hollow of the Man's neck, he let go the fear of his harrowing thoughts and their threat to consume him past any hope of a return. He listened to the one thing he knew he could trust, letting his pain fall.

Aragorn tightened his hold around his friend, his arms firm and strong in his desire to comfort. Struck by the strength of his friend's trials and how much they still hurt him, he kissed the Elf's brow and wept with him, whispering words made entirely of encouragement and hope.

When Legolas began to listen to the spoken words, they were different from what he expected. There was no mention of 'It will be all right,' or even 'I am here.' The words Aragorn gave, though simplistic in thought, drove deep into the Elf's mind and heart, breaking through his defenses and allowed him to do what he needed to heal.

"Let it all out, gwador nin. Just let it all go, let the tears heal the parched land of your soul ..." The Man's voice grew rough as he spoke longer in the deepening night, age-old festering pain Legolas had never allowed himself to feel and move beyond, now forcing their ways to be heard in the form of bitter, terrible weeping. "It has no place with you. Let yourself be free of this pain."

Long into the night, he did so, teaching himself to let go, to feel. At times, Legolas spoke words of his own, things he wished he had said or actions he wished he had done, to no one in particular; held in the memory of every pain he had taken under the hands of another, every ache he had chosen thereafter to ignore and never forgive. How they consumed him, ensnared him, forcing him to bring to life memories he had long ago wished to forget. Words that could not be forgotten. Recollections he now struggled to lay at rest, in complete peace of mind. In the passing time of night, they began to bleed away, forgiven in the price of a river of tears.

As the hurt began to lessen, the Elf began to realize and was amazed at the light and the peace beginning to settle in his soul where darkness and chaos had once resided. He was amazed at how calm and full of hope his spirit could be. It was as though he were young again, not yet burdened with cares of the world but purely strong in the wisdom of what he had learned.

Slowly, the words Aragorn spoke to him faded as the Man fell to slumber, unable to resist longer the pull of his weariness and his need to let his wounds heal. The only thing that remained constant for several hours was the embrace Aragorn protected Legolas with. It was the only thing that did not wane in strength as the shadows of nightfall grew long. Mindful of his friend, the ranger barely moved through the long hours as he slept on his side.

Legolas had never felt like this. He had never felt so free, so unable to be caught in any touch of hate. An army of orcs could have burst into their camp at that moment with full intentions to cut them both in two... and their swords finding only air as they tried. As of yet, no other being in this world had made him feel so safe, so free to drop all guard. He would, parhaps for the first time since he was so young, allow himself be encompassed in another's arms while completely letting go of all else. This display of affection, of complete surrender, was from then on reserved for the Man alone.

Slowly, his pain ceased to torment and the tears dried. Worn to exhaustion, weary beyond his recollection, the Elf lifted his head out of the depths of his despair to rest against his friend's jaw and neck, inviting the cool night air to greet his senses. Gentle, tender caresses of the wind fled around his face, easing his flushed skin and bringing back to life the smells of the earth around them. Aragorn's dark hair caught in the wind and brushed up against the Elf's eyes, teasing him lightly. Working one arm out from under the embrace, Legolas folded the hair back under his head where it had been, holding on to its silky softness an extra moment.

Though he knew the Man to be sleeping, the Elf began to speak to him, caring not that Aragorn may not even hear.

"All my life, I have searched for you. Ever since the time I learned the meaning of 'friend', little else have I desired of this world, to find the one I could trust all of myself with. I was promised once that you would come... though at times I hardly dared dream, due to my dark times of late. But you were right; someone did need to save my life. I just needed to wait for the one who would let me save theirs. Forever have I loved you, and now that you are here, for the first time in such a long time, I am not torn."

Expecting no reply but stilled now in mind, Legolas let his mind tread toward thoughts of sleep, but before he did succumb, a soft, clear voice entered his thoughts, and an overwhelming sense of peace settled over any lingering hurt, healing to such an extent that it left no scar.

"Forever have you loved me, and forever I have been protected by you. You have captivated me, healed me so many times of my burdens of fear. Though much will change, this will not. I am bound to you, kindred spirit. You are my treasure, one I will hold and defend even should it mean my life."

Hearing every word, so connected were they, the Elf's arm crept up, wrapping itself around the Man's shoulder. "Forever you will remember me?"

"Before there was time and after it fades. You and I, we belong to each other."

"Estel?"

"Yes?"

"... I want to go home."

OoOoOoOoO

_"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art..._

_It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."_

_C.S. Lewis_

OoOoOoOoO

The (Real!) End

So NOW... flames? Exile? Tar and feathers? Shall I go into hiding:D To my wonderful readers - I love you all!


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